That's the way I loved him
by nileyiseverything123
Summary: ok, so i accidentally deleted it i know, how do you accidentally do that? well i'm an idiot haha so here it is again Rachel is with an amazing guy, but he isn't enough for her.


**This is my first Rachel and Finn story. I started watching glee and I absolutely love them! Haha**

**I hope you like it**

He was great, and he never complained. We are great together. We never fight, and he doesn't pick at my flaws. He cares for me and loves me, makes me feel like I'm the only one who matters.

But isn't that enough? Isn't he all I want? Only person I need to complete my life? I mean, half of my heart belonged to him, belonged to the one who I love! And I love him... Right?

So what's wrong? He's great to me, he belongs with me. Our harmony is amazing together... What's wrong? Why do I feel it's not enough?

Finn

It's always been Finn, I love Finn. The first time I set my eyes on him... I love him. But I gave him a world full of chances, chances he was burning right through!

Example A- We kissed in the auditorium, but he stopped and left!

Example B- I changed my wardrobe for him! I looked like a slut, just for him to walk out on me.

Example C- We dated, at least I thought we were. But then he said he didn't want it.

He broke up with me to date Brittany and Santana, and then when he realized we were meant to be together, it was too late. I have Jesse now.

Though he's ruined every chance he had with me, I still love him. And though Jesse cares so much for me, and I care about him, it's just not enough for me. My heart belongs to Finn, and it always will!

I shake my head to get Finn out of my head and try to think about Jesse. I know I said that my heart belongs to Finn and I love him. But Im with Jesse, and I like him, so why ruin something that's working?

"Rach, are you ok?" I look at Jesse who's been watching me intently.

I nod, "most definitely!"

He looked unsure, but I felt unsure, "ok..."

I know I'm stupid and I should hold onto Jesse, but I just can't seem to do that as much as I wish for. As I walk into the glee club room, I come to find only Finn in there.

"Finn, what are you doing in here so early? School doesn't start until an hour."

He looked at me, "I should ask you the same."

"Well, I'm here to practice a song that I thought was rather excellent, and I wanted to see if it sounded good with my vocals."

"What song?"

I looked down at my sheet music, hoping that if I say the title it wouldn't hint anything. Because the song I'm about to announce is about him partly.

"That's the way I loved you... By Taylor swift?"

"Oh... Never heard it before."

I sighed in relief, but then he shocked me.

"Would you sing it?"

If I sang it, it would for sure give everything away, "I'll pass."

Finn stood up, "I can't believe it!"

I was confused, "what?"

"Rachel berry is scared!" he smiled.

" Am not! I just don't want to."

"It's not like I haven't heard you sing before." he motioned towards the piano "go ahead."

I sighed in defeat, "fine! But my piano skills aren't very good.

He shrugged, "it's ok."

I sat down placing the music in front of me before I sang I looked at Finn hoping he wouldn't make me, but he smiled waiting. I took a deep breath and started singing.

"He is sensible and so incredible and all my single friends are jealous. He says everything I need to hear and it's like I couldn't ask for anything better-"

"Stop."

I looked at Finn shocked, did I sound awful? "What?"

"Obviously this song is about Jesse, if it is I don't want to listen."

"Oh my gosh! So what if it's about Jesse? He's my boyfriend! I deserve to sing about Jesse."

"Well I don't want to hear it! Don't you realize that we should be together? That I love you more than he does?"

"Don't Finn." I was close to tears now...

"What? I love you Rachel! When are you going to realize that?"

"It's too late Finn! You had your chance to love me remember? I committed myself to you! But no! You just couldn't handle it! Well guess what? Jesse loves me! And he doesn't care about my flaws! He says they're cute! He says that he never wants me to change because he loves how I am!" tears fell and my voice wasn't stable, any minute I could just crack. But I didn't stop; I deserved to yell at Finn. "But you couldn't handle it! So you let me go! And well now that I can finally let go of you and say I'm done chasing you... You just come springing back... Wanting me. But it's too late Finn, I love Jesse and you can't stop that!" I turned around wanting to leave, but turned back around, "I'm happy Finn, I'm happy! I haven't been this happy since you broke up with me... I did love you Finn... I really did..."

I opened the doors and ran out full speed, not letting Finn come after me... But I lied to him. I didn't tell him the song was about him, I didn't tell him that the only part of me that wasn't happy was the part that didn't have him, and I sure as heck didn't tell him that I still loved him and wanted him.

I laid in bed that night crying Thinking about his smile, the way he looks at me when we sing, how he thinks he's such an idiot, he was partially stupid, he wasn't all that smart. He was always so unsure about what he could and couldn't do. If he could hit that note in glee club or even sing it right for that matter... He was insecure... But that's the way I loved him.

For now, I fake a smile and love Jesse for what I wish he'd be... Finn.


End file.
